The Tardy Adventures of Hatake Kakashi
by knuckz
Summary: Nobody ever believed Kakashi's excuses for being late. But what if they were true? Suggestions or even chapters welcome!
1. The Road of Life

The Tardy Adventures of Hatake Kakashi

By knuckz

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Summary: Nobody ever believed Kakashi's excuses for being late. But what if they were true?

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**Note:** This is a side story, mainly for me to exercise whatever odd ideas that pop into my head. That means that I won't be working on chapters regularly; rather, I'll only write for this to take a break from Furuenjin, Owl Treats, or whatever other stories I have out at the time.

Furthermore, if anyone has an idea that they want me to do or actually wants to write a chapter themselves for me to add, then please leave a review to let me know. I'll add in the chapter when I can (with acknowledgement of course), though I reserve the right to edit anything as I see fit (mainly for grammar), or to reject it (if inappropriate or just plain bad). Note that this does not follow any timeline at all and is meant to be mostly light-hearted humour.

Enjoy your read!

**Edit: **Big thanks to **MegaB**, who beta'd this chapter.

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"The Road of Life" by **knuckz**

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Hatake Kakashi walked at a sedate pace towards the bridge where his genin team was to meet him. He had asked them to meet him at 0900 hours, and there was still a good half-hour before then, so he had decided to just take his time and walk there leisurely.

His single uncovered eye was on his precious Make-out Paradise ("Hana-chan, you pervert!" Kakashi giggled), yet he was somehow deftly dodging around obstacles on the street with ease much to the amazement of everyone watching him.

Many of the women glared at him for openly reading such a lewd novel, but the men gave him admiring looks for his fortitude and manliness. Kakashi didn't seem to notice any of them.

And so the silver-haired nin kept on walking, intent on actually reaching the bridge to meet his team on time for once. If he was late, he knew that both Sakura and Naruto would feel obligated to deafen him, and Kakashi had no need to deal with a grumpy Uchiha brat either.

He soon reached an intersection and glanced at the sign, before deciding to keep walking straight instead of taking the left that he should have to get to the bridge where his team might already be waiting. The sign had read 'Bridge Left' and 'Life Ahead'.

Kakashi had no idea that there was a new road that had been built, and he was eager to try it, and discover where it would take him. He had always liked to experience new things, especially if they came with nice scenery. Yet, he never removed his eye from his book.

The ninja kept on walking down the road of life, dodging around the purple alligators and strange tentacle-like creatures that jumped at him from the sidelines, ducking under the legendary birds of fire that swooped overhead, and jumping over the strange blue moles that suddenly popped up from underneath him, all with nary a glance.

Until he heard the sumptuous giggling of a female.

Kakashi (reluctantly) tore his eyes away from his book to look around for a girl whom he assumed would totally rock his world.

"Hmm?" Kakashi hummed slowly, rubbing his chin as he looked around.

There was no girl around, but he seemed to be surrounded by a world that was much unlike his usual one. There were trees coloured a brilliant blue from which miscoloured lions snapped down and gobbled up leaves. He watched idly as a group of gazelles chased down a cheetah before violently tearing it apart and devouring it's carcass in the distance. There was a small lake of yellow, and every so often, a bird would jump out in joy.

Kakashi watched as an unlucky vulture that had jumped out of the water had gotten snapped up by a salmon that had been flying around.

"Hmm... this doesn't look like Konoha..." Kakashi remarked errantly, before shrugging and turning back to his novel, once more walking down the road.

And once again, he heard the lustful giggles of a delectable-sounding female. When he looked up this time, there was a woman leering at him sexily. And not just any woman either.

Kakashi hurriedly flipped through his book, looking for a particular passage.

"White tank-top... short blue skirt... size D..." he muttered as he read, before looking up at the smirking woman with wide eyes.

"I've been waiting for you, _Kakashi-sama_." the woman spoke, groaning out Kakashi's name.

"Ha- Hana-chan?" Kakashi asked uncertainly as he put his book away. The woman didn't reply as she moved her hands up and down her body.

"There's so much that I wanted to try with Kakashi-sama." Hana-chan spoke lustfully, before beckoning to the wayward jounin, "Come with me?"

Kakashi giggled perversely as he walked over to the skimpily-dressed woman and swept her off her feet into his strong arms. His patented pervert-giggles increased as Hana-chan whispered naughty ideas into his ears. And then an image of a grumpy Sasuke popped into his head.

Kakashi winced.

If he was late, Sasuke would be insufferable.

Naruto would be okay to handle; the son of his sensei was very forgiving, not to mention forgetful. But Sakura had an evil temper, and Sasuke would be grumpy.

And Kakashi _hated_ it when Sasuke got grumpy.

So Kakashi reluctantly set Hana-chan back on her feet.

"Sorry, Hana-chan. Sasuke will get grumpy if I'm late, and it's never pretty when he gets grumpy." Kakashi explained forlornly. Hana-chan smiled sadly at the jounin.

"I'm sorry as well." the buxom bombshell said to him.

And so, Kakashi pulled out his precious Icha Icha once more as Hana-chan disappeared into nothingness, and continued down the road. And once more, Kakashi dodged around the various odd animals that jumped at him for absolutely no reason without ever taking his eye away from his book.

His surroundings slowly turned back to normal, as the animals slowly became humans again and the surrounding forest once more became Konoha. This escaped Kakashi's notice but eventually, he reached the bridge where his students were waiting.

"YOU'RE LATE!"

It seemed that more time had passed than Kakashi had thought.

"Ahaha, sorry, sorry! I got lost on the road of life." Kakashi explained, putting away his precious book. Naruto and Sakura reacted blazingly, much to the amusement of the lazy jounin.

"LIAR!"

Sasuke looked grumpy.

Kakashi sighed sadly. He had given up so much, and for what?

_Damn brat._

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End

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**Note: **Hana is not _Inuzuka _Hana. She's an original character.


	2. Crossing the Road

The Tardy Adventures of Hatake Kakashi

By knuckz

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Summary: Nobody ever believed Kakashi's excuses for being late. But what if they were true?

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"Crossing the Road" by **knuckz **(suggested by **LadyMartel4000**)

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Hatake Kakashi was merrily skipping down the street, not noticing (or caring) that it might look a bit weird for an elite jounin to do so (unless it were Gai). The other people on the street did look at him sceptically, thinking that the Yondaime's student had finally lost his mind, but the silver-haired jounin did not seem to care (or notice).

For once, Kakashi had woken up early. He was looking forward to surprising his genin team by showing up on time for once. They would be so happy; he just knew it. The happy look on the son of his sensei, the smile on the pink-haired Sakura's face; maybe even the usually indifferent Uchiha Sasuke might break out into a smile! It would definitely be a glorious moment for Hatake Kakashi.

But as he was about to cross the road, he looked to his right, feeling a presence there, and saw an old woman with a cane walking extremely slow.

She was walking so slow that it almost seemed as if she were waddling!

_Give her a brown robe, a knife, and a lamp, and she might pass off as a strange green-skinned mole-like creature with ultimate stabbing power._ Kakashi thought to himself. He tried to force these thoughts from his mind and focus on getting to his team, but alas, it was not meant to be.

In an action which one might call the 'flames of youth', Kakashi turned to the old women to offer her some assistance.

"Excuse me, but would you like some help?" he asked. The old hunch-backed woman turned her head towards his and peered at him.

"Eh?"

Kakashi sweat-dropped anime style. Raising his arm, Kakashi pointed across the street and tried again.

"Would you like help crossing the street?" the silver-haired jounin asked again. The woman leaned in and peered at him even closer.

"Eh?"

"Would you like help crossing the street?" Kakashi spoke up, raising his voice slightly.

"Did you say something, young man?" the old lady asked. A vein of annoyance bulged in Kakashi's forehead.

"I said, do you want help CROSSING THE STREET!?" Kakashi all but yelled at her. Then, out of nowhere, he felt a sharp pain on the side of his head, and he was on the ground seeing stars.

"How dare you yell at me!? No respect for your elders! Is this what the youth of Konoha has become!?" the old lady shrieked, repeatedly whacking Kakashi with her cane.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. OW!" That last one had especially hurt.

Kakashi, finally having had enough, deflected the next hit and swiftly jumped across the street, adamant about getting away from the old crone. But to his great surprise, she jumped right after him.

And as if it were in slow motion, he watched in shock as her cane swung at his head while she was in the air.

_Uh oh._

There was pain, then... darkness.

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"Oi, wake up!"

Kakashi jerked awake. Sitting up, he noticed that he had been lying on the dirt street, out cold. There was a crowd around him, but the old lady was nowhere in sight.

People were looking at him, some with great interest and some with disgust. A woman led her young son away from the crowd, muttering about drunkards. Kakashi sweat-dropped in embarrassment.

A brown-haired man walked over to one-eyed jounin.

"You okay?" the man asked him.

Kakashi stood up and dusted the dirt from his clothes.

"I'm fine. Thanks for waking me up." Kakashi replied in thanks.

Checking that his mask and forehead protector were in place, Kakashi jumped away from the scene much to the shock of the crowd, intent on getting to his students. He thought that perhaps he could still get there on time.

But alas, it was not meant to be.

"YOU'RE LATE!"

It seemed that hours had passed while Kakashi had been out cold.

"Ahaha, sorry, sorry! I was helping an old lady cross the street." Kakashi explained, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. Naruto and Sakura reacted as they always did, much to the amusement of Kakashi.

"LIAR!"

And Sasuke looked grumpy.

Kakashi sighed sadly as he continued rubbing his head.

_Ow._

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End

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**Note: **Tonberry FTW!


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